Talking
Is it so bad that I don't like to "talk" to my wife? I mean, the type of talk where we know our every fault will be brought up, the honesty asked for will be received with tears and "You're such a jerk," the questions asked will be loaded, and the end result of our conversation will be painful.
The way I see it, this whole communication thing, is highly overrated. At least in the Dr. Phil and Christian Couples best selling book type of way. I have opinions and beliefs-- feelings and passions. I can be whimsical or grounded. I love to share them. I am who I am. For the most part, I don't want to change. Yes, there are things about me I wish I could change; I've tried to change; I will continue to try and change. But that doesn't mean I want to "talk" about them. And really, when spouses want to talk, they too often mean talk at.
I'm not poohpoohing the notion of communication, only the idea that everything going on in my head has to be verbalized.
The way I see it, this whole communication thing, is highly overrated. At least in the Dr. Phil and Christian Couples best selling book type of way. I have opinions and beliefs-- feelings and passions. I can be whimsical or grounded. I love to share them. I am who I am. For the most part, I don't want to change. Yes, there are things about me I wish I could change; I've tried to change; I will continue to try and change. But that doesn't mean I want to "talk" about them. And really, when spouses want to talk, they too often mean talk at.
I'm not poohpoohing the notion of communication, only the idea that everything going on in my head has to be verbalized.
posted by Mr. McNamar at 12:26 PM
1 Comments:
One of my favorite Simpson's quotes:
Marge talking to Lisa during a car ride: "Some women say that you can't change a man... those women are quitters!"
From my experience, it is really tough to learn to communicate for understanding, and not domination. My wife and I signed up for pre-marital counseling about 6 years ago (if you knew our respective parents, you'd know why -ha), and although that hasn't made it easy, it has made good communication possible.
I'm not recommending counseling (Dr. Phil does enough of that), but I would recommend tapping into the wisdom of others who have been down that bumpy road of communication... there is no more vital thing to the health of a relationship.
For me, listening seems to be one of the last great battles in my war against my pride.
Speaking of attacks, please forgive my attack on your blog tonight :)
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