An Open Letter
Dear Jesus,
Or God, whichever gets it first, I must tell you that I'm not sure I want in on this whole Christianity thing anymore. It all seems like such a hoax sometime, the way I behave and the way so many of us behave. I wonder if what we have to offer on our side of the relationship is even worth that much to you.
My people are claiming to know what you think regarding the Terri Schiavo case. They are claiming that anyone who supports her death is evil and trying to play god. Maybe they are right, but I can tell you this, I think she's better off not in this world. I think that the Christians are trying to take your role from you by forcing her to eat from a tube when you know the only way she gets better is if you intervene. Again, that is if you really do want that. And interestingly, these same Christians, representing you, claim that a miracle is still possible. As if somehow taking the feeding tube out negates any miracle you might have in store. Funny how we limit you isn't it?
I've also been struggling with this whole, we're in, they're out, mentallity. We base our whole lives on faith in the unseen as Christians, but that is a difficult thing to do. It sure does make more logical sense to base our lives off of what is visible. Again, interstingly enough, compassion and love would still exist. So maybe that is the proof we need. But I feel like an outsider looking in on the world, wanting to take part in a lot of what they do. It seems so much more fun and pleasing. And at the same time, I feel like an outsider looking in on the church, believing on the cusp but not quite ready to act all exclusive. So I find myself saying what's the point of trying.
I wish I could say for certain I'd do a better job of following you. I wish I could know right now that in the end, following you will matter. That mercy will play out. Not that I want to go on sinning as Paul said, but simply because I fear the darkness hidden, and not so hidden, in me.
Andrew
Or God, whichever gets it first, I must tell you that I'm not sure I want in on this whole Christianity thing anymore. It all seems like such a hoax sometime, the way I behave and the way so many of us behave. I wonder if what we have to offer on our side of the relationship is even worth that much to you.
My people are claiming to know what you think regarding the Terri Schiavo case. They are claiming that anyone who supports her death is evil and trying to play god. Maybe they are right, but I can tell you this, I think she's better off not in this world. I think that the Christians are trying to take your role from you by forcing her to eat from a tube when you know the only way she gets better is if you intervene. Again, that is if you really do want that. And interestingly, these same Christians, representing you, claim that a miracle is still possible. As if somehow taking the feeding tube out negates any miracle you might have in store. Funny how we limit you isn't it?
I've also been struggling with this whole, we're in, they're out, mentallity. We base our whole lives on faith in the unseen as Christians, but that is a difficult thing to do. It sure does make more logical sense to base our lives off of what is visible. Again, interstingly enough, compassion and love would still exist. So maybe that is the proof we need. But I feel like an outsider looking in on the world, wanting to take part in a lot of what they do. It seems so much more fun and pleasing. And at the same time, I feel like an outsider looking in on the church, believing on the cusp but not quite ready to act all exclusive. So I find myself saying what's the point of trying.
I wish I could say for certain I'd do a better job of following you. I wish I could know right now that in the end, following you will matter. That mercy will play out. Not that I want to go on sinning as Paul said, but simply because I fear the darkness hidden, and not so hidden, in me.
Andrew
posted by Mr. McNamar at 10:25 AM
2 Comments:
The honesty of your post reads (to me) like a Psalm.
I've had a few seasons that quicken my empathy with your current quagmire, yet never could I have put those seasons into words so eloquently.
Thanks.
Beautiful post, and thanks for your comments on my 'Catholics in Hell' post. Perhaps I was too harsh in my reaction to the article. You are right, of course, that Jesus certainly did not imagine the sectarianism that plagues the faith today.
And I agree, Sunday night was humiliating. Hope Clement does better today.
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