Separation of Church and State

I run the risk of being labled by admitting to the following thoughts. I am clearly aware of the undertones that are becoming more overt by the year. These overt undertones could be a reaction to Christianity's often holier than thou mentality, but never-the-less, I find the rejection of all things related in anyway to Christianity a bit pig-headed and just as judgemental as the holier than thous. As I am navigating through my first year as an English teacher, recognizing the lack of texts to choose from, I began looking into new British novels to teach to the seniors. One such book, a somewhat steamy and mysterious novel concerning an Anglican priest came to mind. But I was immediately choked by that question of appropriateness, not so much because of the sex, but because the religious theme is quite prevalent.I then thought of C.S. Lewis, by far one of the most renowned British authors of the modern era. He was clearly a Christian apologetic, interspersing some less relgious writings throughout his career. But his best work is by far christian. So, I am hesitating at introducing my students to a wonderful author simply because he is christian. Ironic isn't it? That those who discredit Christianity as exclusive and narrow-minded, do just that whenever it comes to Christian thought. It reminds me of that whole elementary school birthday invitation thing. You forgot to invite me, so I'll forget to invite you--and make sure you and everyone else knows I forgot to invite you.

Talking

Is it so bad that I don't like to "talk" to my wife? I mean, the type of talk where we know our every fault will be brought up, the honesty asked for will be received with tears and "You're such a jerk," the questions asked will be loaded, and the end result of our conversation will be painful.
The way I see it, this whole communication thing, is highly overrated. At least in the Dr. Phil and Christian Couples best selling book type of way. I have opinions and beliefs-- feelings and passions. I can be whimsical or grounded. I love to share them. I am who I am. For the most part, I don't want to change. Yes, there are things about me I wish I could change; I've tried to change; I will continue to try and change. But that doesn't mean I want to "talk" about them. And really, when spouses want to talk, they too often mean talk at.
I'm not poohpoohing the notion of communication, only the idea that everything going on in my head has to be verbalized.

When we don't want to hear

"Listen to your life," says Buechner, and ever since my introduction to Mr. Buechner, I have tried to do just that. In some way, I think our lives are in constant communication with us; the events, the conversations, the tears, the laughter all are telling us something, anything, if only we will open the ears of our soul to hear whatever it is. But listening to your life often is the last damn thing you want to do. Not because you are busy, but because you don't want to hear what it is telling you.
My brother, a minister, unburdens that an old acquaintance of mine and friend of his has fallen into deep depression. Suicide is a concern. It made us both wonder about little Ellington where we grew up. The number of suicides both during and after our high school years involving Ellington's kids is in my mind staggering.
I call my father to discuss the future. His will. What will happen when he dies. He is already concerned about it--at 60 years old. He says his health has good days and bad days--he's concerned.
My reality is that I don't want to deal with it. I'd rather run from the reality of death. It scares me. Sure, I believe in an afterlife--I'm a christian. Not a good one, but one never-the-less. I don't like the status quo of life broken into and robbed. This acquaintance is young. But sometimes when life has a grip on you, leaving it seems the best option. Who can blame them? People get old and people die, but no one I was ever very close to. My dad's dad died when I was 6 months old. My two great-grandfather's that I remember died by the end of my high school years, and I don't know that I had a bond enough to really miss them.
What I want to know is why all this talk of death? What is the meaning behind it? And ultimately, do I really want to hear it?

100 Random Things about ME

1. I teach literature at a local high school
2. I'm a better lit. teacher than writing teacher
3. Stupidity annoys me
4. I dress professionally
5. I don't think all teachers are grossly underpaid
6. In fact many are grossly overpaid because of salary schedules and unions
7. I tend to vote Republican
8. I don't believe this makes me conservative
9. ...or close minded.
10. I listen to rap music
11. I watch Oprah when I can
12. And Dr. Phil too
13. I belive in the Bible
14. ...but am open to a non-literal translation for all of it.
15. I believe in Jesus
16. I agree with much of what the Buhhda taught
17. I grew up on a lake in Connecticut
18. ...but we barely scraped by
19. I'm a UConn Husky fan
20. I graduated from Northwest University in Kirkland, WA
21. I often regret going so far away from home for school
22. ...but if I hadn't, I'd be a much different person.
23. I have an addictive personality
24. ...an affinity to gamble
25. If I'm not supposed to, I will probably try
26. When I'm angry, I run my mouth
27. Nothing beats a New England Autumn
28. I own a Jeep Wrangler
29. ...and only been "off road" once.
30. I hate getting older
31. I'm gaining weight
32. ...and I lack the internal motivation to change that.
33. I thrive on competetion
34. I procrastinate
35. My desk is always cluttered
36. I lose my keys or wallet at least once a week
37. I forget things that I am told
38. I always remember important dates
39. ...but I don't always get gifts on time.
40. Cal Ripken Jr. is my hero
41. I played baseball as a kid
42. I couldn't hit well
43. I was a pretty dang good fielder though
44. I hate wearing contact lenses
45. My smile has always been a source of insecurity
46. At 5'9', I fell well short of my 6' goal
47. I'm embarrassed about that too.
48. Golf relaxes me
49. Golf irritates me
50. The beach is my ideal getaway
51. I respect my father for all his hard work to provide for us
52. I honor my mother for all of her hard work to provide for us
53. I respect my older brother
54. I love my sister
55. My younger brother hurt me, but he's family and nothing can come between that
56. I have few close friends
57. ...but many good friends
58. I am not very trusting
59. I disappoint myself regularly
60. I pick my nose, and am okay with it.
61. I have ADD
62. Reading a good book invigorates me.
63. I am not technologically savvy
64. I adore my wife
65. ...but am not the best husband
66. I don't pick up after myself
67. I'm not a sensitive man
68. Sam Adam's makes a great beer
69. I still count bartending as my favorite job
70. ...but teaching is my calling
71. If it is by Frederick Buechner, I will read it
72. I'm not always the best Christian
73. ...no, I don't think that makes me a hypocrite--only human
74. Death scares me
75. The dark makes me uncomfortable
76. ...unless I am in bed
77. Bedtime is my favorite time of day
78. The morning is my least favorite
79. I love to swim
80. I hate to jog
81. Pretentious students irritate me
82. Laziness boggles my mind
83. Gay marriage is in no way a detriment to my marriage
84. I have a harder time justifying abortion, except in special circumstances
85. I speed
86. I don't wear a seat-belt regularly
87. ...but think it's hypocritical that the government gives women the right to choose what they do with their body, but I can't have that same freedom.
88. A good argument enthralls me
89. ...even if I don't agree with what I am arguing
90. Someday I want to move back to New England
91. I can't take naps
92. I drink White Chocalate Mochas, Extra Hot--from Starbucks
93. I am loyal to people and companies
94. I'd rather the government spend my taxes on making my life better instead of the owls or whales
95. I am a picky eater
96. I don't like cooked vegetables
97. I still carry the pain of hurting a high school friend
98. Singing skills passed me by
99. I have more shoes than my wife
100. I will always be a part of Red Sox Nation

The Jesus Word

It is difficult for me to think of any other name in all of history that attracts as much attention as the mere mention of it. Throughout history, Jesus, has become a name oft abused, disrespected, honored, glorified, and a bevy of other monikers that fall along the continuum.

From an early age, I was taught not to take the name of Jesus in vain--for fear of some type of lightening strike or committment of the abomination. And it was in the seventh grade that I learned what would happen at home if I did. A couple of students were messing around in the hall, and in my frustration to get by, slipped out "Jesus Christ!" I had never used that name in vain at that point, and I feared for my life after doing it. A teacher heard me and assigned me a detention. How far we've come.

And over the past few months, as I've spent hours coaching basketball, I've let fly a few God damn it's, and have paused at how odd it sounds from my mouth. For me, the name of my god is still revered, despite some of my obvious shortcomings. And when, in a High School assembly, a speaker let fly the phrase, "Jesus Christ! You guys are slow," following a joke, my sense of self felt violated. Not because I am self-righteous, but because that name is important to me. It frustrates me that in our culture, where religion is looked down on by the self-righteous progressives as if they alone lay claim to truth (and yes, I understand that Christians are often guilty of this as well), and secular tolerance is preached in public schools so we don't offend anybody, a highly offensive (at least to Christians) remark would go unnoticed.

I wonder, if in his motivational speech, the speaker had proclaimed, "And I worked hard and made it out of a tough situation with the help of Jesus Christ," how many phone calls would innundate the office, and how many of my progressive colleagues would have been irate.

Clutter

I am looking at my desk as I write, and the reality is I am a cluttery kind of guy. Perhaps it is both a result of nature and a bit of nurture, or simply it is the best I can do right now. But the mess that sits on my desk reminds me of the mess that our lives can be. We are a busy society--running from one place to another--chairing this committee and staffing that committee--meeting these friends for dinner and catching up with those friends for drinks. I think that for the most part we tiptoe between our calendar fillers with grace and poise, but when those calendar dates intersect, we often find ourselves in great unrest.

The silly thing about it is that we tend to, in our need to regain the balance of our world, neglect that which will truly benefit us. We compensate our personal life to achieve that balance. We are short with our spouses. We neglect our children. We forget to eat. We sleep little. We tire.

In truth, much of what we do carries importance to our life. The question then is, how do we cope? "Come unto me," Jesus says, "and I will give you rest." Whether you are a great mystic or a great commoner, there is a need for solitude. A need for rejuvination, both of spirit and of mind. God does not command us to pray for rest or strength; he says "Come unto me."

WE Rule!

As a native New Englander, I just want to brag for a moment. We are often forgotten by the rest of the world, tucked away in the Northeast. Some citizens often wondering if New England is even in America; a question I have been asked many times. But right now, New England is the center of the American Sports World. Just look:

World Series: Boston Red Sox
Superbowl: New England Patriots
NCAA Men's Basketball Title: Connecticut
NCAA Women's Basketball Title: Connecticut
WNBA Runner Up: Connecticut

Impressive huh? You see, this is why I don't care to hear about an East Coast Bias; the reality is, we are just better!

Snobbery

I'll have to admit that I am a snob. I live in the Seattle area, Everett to be exact. We are known around the world as a haven for coffee drinkers, grunge music, riots, and of course the Eastside. As a product of small town America, I never really thought of myself as snobby. I was from the other side of our white collar community. But I stood in line waiting for my Grande White Chocalate Mocha, a recent habit I've developed, while a woman in front of me ordered her drink. She asked the barista not for a Grahn-day, but for a Gran-de. My face did one of those contortions that happen when we're not quite sure we heard right. My lips slipped into a hidden grin and I even chuckled inside as I repeated to myself her pronunciation. It made me aware that I am snobby. And now I am crushed to think that I may potentially be a snob in many other ways.